When you hear the phrase “self-care,” what comes to mind? Maybe it’s sleeping late on a weekend, taking a relaxing bath, getting takeout from your favorite restaurant or spending a sunny afternoon outside enjoying the weather.
There’s nothing wrong with treating yourself through rest or recreation. But during Self-Care Awareness Month this September, it’s worth remembering that genuine self-care sometimes involves stepping out of your comfort zone because you know it may improve your well-being in the long run.
Immediate Relief Isn’t Necessarily the Goal of Self-Care
Things that feel good in the moment aren’t always what’s best for your long-term well-being. For instance, staying home instead of attending an event may temporarily reduce your social anxiety, but it won’t address the underlying issue that made you feel uncomfortable in the first place.
Avoidance and other outlets that provide short-term relief can sometimes allow the underlying problem to grow. Practicing genuine self-compassion often requires looking beyond immediate solutions and anticipating what you need to look after yourself tomorrow, next week or next month.
Sometimes Self-Care Means Doing What You’ve Been Avoiding
Many of the things that promote your mental well-being will require you to tolerate some degree of discomfort. For example, self-care might involve rebuilding trust with people you’ve hurt, having an honest conversation about a challenging topic, returning to a neglected routine or acknowledging that one of your coping strategies creates more problems than it solves.
It can also mean confronting emotions you’ve tried not to feel, including sadness, anxiety, anger, grief or loneliness. You might stay constantly busy, spend hours scrolling through your phone, sleep excessively, isolate yourself or use alcohol or drugs to temporarily mute your distress or alter your mood.
Avoidance isn’t necessarily a sign of weakness. It’s many people’s go-to, short-term coping strategy because it temporarily works. However, caring for yourself may require a different approach if your health, relationships, responsibilities or quality of life begin to suffer.
Setting Boundaries Can Feel Uncomfortable
Boundaries are an excellent example of self-care that might cause awkwardness or friction. Saying no or advocating for your needs can feel uniquely vulnerable. Distancing yourself from an unhealthy relationship may involve grief even when you know you’re making a responsible decision.
The goal of setting boundaries isn’t to control other people’s behavior or avoid every uncomfortable interaction. It’s to define what you’re willing to tolerate and how much energy you have to give. Other people may challenge or criticize the limits you set, but their disapproval doesn’t automatically mean you’ve done something wrong.
Asking for Help Is a Form of Self-Care
Perhaps one of the most challenging forms of self-care is admitting when you can’t handle something by yourself. If you pride yourself on being independent and reliable, asking for help can feel uncomfortable, embarrassing or even selfish. You might believe you do not deserve kindness or grace if you can’t figure everything out on your own.
You don’t have to exhaust every other avenue before seeking support. Persistent anxiety, depression, substance use, relationship difficulties or other behavioral health concerns are challenging, but reaching out to a mental health professional isn’t an admission that you’ve failed at taking care of yourself.
The same principles apply to parents. Requesting professional guidance to help your children with their emotional or behavioral struggles isn’t a poor reflection of your character – it means you’re being responsible about recognizing when your family needs additional support.
You Don’t Have to Wait for a Crisis
Consistency is the secret to self-care. Don’t wait until your mental health symptoms worsen or substance use causes severe consequences to decide something needs to change. Proactively putting your needs first will give you more opportunities to respond, such as talking to a trusted friend, changing your routine, establishing new boundaries or seeking professional treatment.
Taking better care of yourself isn’t always easy. Sometimes it involves listening to your innermost voice and doing something uncomfortable instead of putting it off. Reach out today for help taking better care of yourself or someone you care about.
